Monday, May 20, 2013

What the fuck happened to music? ( A rant)

Call me jaded, old fashioned, whatever the fuck you want I don't care, but the more I listen to the radio and what the record companies have to offer the general masses the more I start to long for the old days, when artists were allowed to just create and the execs were just the money. Sure there were plenty of struggles to get your voice heard than but it seems the past 10 years or so it has gotten more manufactured, more dubstep, more bullshit.

I truly feel the 90's created the last great crop of artists, and I feel so sad for the fact that music on a whole seems to be dying or at least selling it's soul, what does the future hold for my kids and generations to come? 

Of course every generation has their shit music, that is just part of the routine, but it seems in 2013 that the shit music has taken over and the thinkers, thought provokers, more experimental has gone underground again and is basically non-existent on the top 40 radio. 

What are the record companies so afraid of? For someone to actually be moved, or god forbid even learn something about themselves? Besides artists like Adele (which is a brit so she really doesn't count since Americans tend to like British music far better than our own, even when they copy it verbatim ) Is money really that more important than an artists integrity?

What are thoughts? Do you feel the industry is dying as we know it? Leave your thoughts in the comments below! 

Monday, May 6, 2013

The top five sharts in pop music for 2013. (So Far)

May we park your car for you?

Let's face it folks, music in general has been on a downward spiral since the 2000's, but no where has it been the more obvious in decline of quality than in the pop music realm. 

Now the term usually signifies music that is popular with the masses, but the more commercialized the industry becomes, the less it is really about the listener and more about getting you to buy something you never knew you actually needed.

The sad part about making this list is that it was not hard to find crap songs to write about since 95% of pop music out there right now is god awful.

To me, everything sounds like just one big glitter turd explosion of mediocrity, and ladies and gentleman these are so bad that I don't know if I would even consider them actual songs, they are more like sharts.....

So here is my list of the top five sharts in pop music for 2013 (so far)

5. Pittbull featuring Christina Aguilera Feel this Moment

I would love to know why Christina keeps doing crap songs to be a part of, she is so much better than guest starring with Pittbull, I mean c'mon it's Pittbull! 
This guy has about as much charisma as a corpse. 
It's like the producers just gave him a list of  products and celebrity names to spout into the microphone and they add a fucking beat to it, I still have no idea why this guys is famous.

Christina on the other hand has one of the most amazing voices in the industry but you would never know that with her terrible song choices. 
Now if you don't mind i'm gonna go listen to the album Stripped to wash this bad taste out of my mouth.

4.Kesha C'Mon

Here's another Grammy worthy effort by the genius known as Kesha (I'm not even gonna bother with the $ in her fucking name). 
Full of bad rapping, drug references, partying, no inhibition and a mindless club thumping beat lead to one conclusion: that there is no god....

and if there is he must have one fucked up sense of humor for letting Kesha write music.

3.98 Degrees Microphone 

A 98 degrees song? Weird I thought they all died in a horrible house fire..oh wait that was just the dream I had last night...damn wishful thinking! In any event, here's a new song by the low Budget N'Sync called Microphone, which one can assume is a not so clever play on words to talk about their penis's.

Yes ladies and gentleman it is an entire song about "grab the microphone and sing do re mi fa so"....
I am not shitting you, those are the actual lyrics! lol
Don't believe me? Here is the lyric video above (starring 98 degrees themselves) showing the sheer brilliance of their song writing skills. 

The song is so bad that youtube has disabled the like button and comments! That only means one thing, It has officially headed into Kim Kardashian Jam territory! Good Job Guys!!!

2. PSY Gentleman 

It's just Gangham Style 2.0 but with a boring dance...what else can be said really? 
At least Gangham had a campy quality to it, but this is just..meh. 
Well, To each his own I guess, I can understand why people like his music, even if it is just a silly dance song.

1. Beyonce Bow Down / I Been On

When I first listened to this song my children thought just by the first sample that I was looking at those funny dancing kitty video's on youtube. Sadly I wish I would have been since at least those make a little bit more sense.

 Where to start? She is a huge walking contradiction in this song and when it was released it confused a lot of people, even yours truly. One moment she says she wants respect and she is a strong independent woman which is a great feminist move, but than tells "bitches to bow down", like we are all her fucking servants. And with the use of the term "Bitch" it completely demoralizes women and voids the point she originally was trying to make.

I knew Beyonce was ape shit crazy but this song brings a whole new level of narcissism, and the video promotion she did for the ms.carter tour (above) does not help her case one bit.

Between sloppy production values, lyrical context that makes no sense, and the fact that she barely sings at all leads me to believe that Beyonce is far from the musical genius she wants us so desperately to believe she is. 
The only thing Beyonce is queen of is her own delusions of grandeur.

Honorable Mentions: I was going to put Will. i. am on this list but he has done so much bad shit between 2012-2013 that I have decided to write an entire article just about him, so look for that in the near future. xoxox

Agree or Disagree with my List? What would be on your list for the worst songs? 
Sound off in the comments below!

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Season 3 X Factor: God it's gonna suck without Britney Spears!

While auditions for season 3 are underway I wanted to take the time and grieve the loss of one of the more entertaining judges on that show, Miss Britney Spears! Sadly she will not returning since I guess a new album and a maybe gig in vegas is more desirable than sitting next to demi lovato pretend to know what the hell she is talking about.I know Simon tried to blame her for the ratings but let's face it, this show is sinking faster than the titanic and I truly believe that it was not Britney's fault.With that said here are some of the best facial reactions from Britney on The X Factor in animated gif form! Enjoy!

P.S. Who would you want to see as a new judge this season? Are you going to even watch this terrible show? 
Sound off in the comments below!xoxox




Saturday, March 23, 2013

The 7 Scariest Easter Bunnies Ever!

Ahh dead eyes!!! 

Originally I was trying to find some interesting advertisements, facts, and other random tidbits about Easter to share with you guys, but I was horrified to find a barrage of creepy ass Easter bunnies along the way and I had to dedicate an entire post to them! lol. Going to see the Easter Bunny was not really a big thing in my house, we usually saved that awkwardness for that Santa who smelled like beer and pez at the local mall.
With that said, here is my list of The  7 Scariest Easter Bunnies Ever! 
I do not own these pics! Used just for entertainment purpose only! xoxo

7.Ah good old Easter bear dog!

6.I will eat your soul!

5.Even the baby knows this shit is whack.

4.Redneck Bunny.

3.I'm pretty sure this one is pure evil...

2.Poor skin graft bunny....

1.I don't know why Timmy grew up scared shitless of rabbits.

Got any scary Easter pics?
 Send them to me and I'll include them onto the list! 
Happy Easter Fuckers!!! 

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Top 5 Best Pope Merchandise Ever!

New white guy taking over for old white guy....yay?

Yay we have a new pope! What the fuck that really means I have no idea, But I know one thing I am very excited about: New Pope Merchandise! I know he only got elected just a couple of days ago, so I will have to wait till all the 
Jorge Bergoglio crap rolls in, so until than here is my list of the Top 5 Best Pope Merchandise Ever! Enjoy! xoxox

5. "I see you masturbating" coffee mug:
Nothing goes better with my morning cup of joe than a creepy old man wearing a robe.

4. Pope Cologne:

I didn't know you could bottle children and fear.

3. Pope Cakes:
I guess the old pope had a thing for sweets, so a company made these in his honor...Little Debbie ain't got nothing on this shit!

2.Pope Beer:
A german based brewing company made these in honor of the german pope....I don't really have a joke here, I just love the idea of pope beer.;-)

1.Soap pope on a rope:

A classic staple in any household is the iconic soap pope on a rope! I was bummed out when my old soap resigned, thank god the arizona cardinals helped me pick a new one! 
My vagina thanks you!

 What are your thoughts on the new pope? 
Excited or could give two shits? sound off in the comments!

Thursday, March 7, 2013

St.Patrick's Day Best Kept Secret: Darby O'Gill and the Little People

From left: Nancy Whiskey (Fiddle & Vocals), Tipsy McStaggers (Drums) , Barry McCockiner (Bass), Ringo McLarkey (Accordion &Vocals) and last but not least
Darby O'Gill (Lead Singer & Guitar) 

Since moving to Ohio three years I can name millions of things I miss about living in my hometown of Las Vegas, Nevada and This band is definitely at the top of that list!
For ten plus years now they have been gracing the Vegas music scene with there wonderful blend of Irish / Celtic / Punk rock music covers (with original songs as well) and putting on a one of kind show that is hilarious and always rocking which is what makes in my opinion Darby O'Gill and the Little People Las Vegas's Best kept secret and only reason to go out for St.Patrick's Day! Sure you could go listen any pub drinking band but what makes them unique is how genuinely funny they are and the great connection they have with the crowd. They joke around with you, take requests and are always making sure you are having a good time.It's the equivalent of hanging out with old friends....if your friends were to cuss like sailors and tell dirty limericks...but dear old friends none the less!
But enough of this ball licking, let's watch them in action!

Live Performances:

promo video

Covering Flogging Molly's Sentimental Johnny

Covering Jay Z's Empire State of Mind

**St.Patrick's Day they will be playing at 
Hennessey's 12pm-3pm, McMullan's 5pm-8pm, and Quinn's 10pm-2am. Be there!**

For more information about this band or to buy one of there cd's go to and if you ever get a chance to see them live go motherfuckers! You will not be disappointed!


Tuesday, March 5, 2013

The Douchey-est St.Patrick's Day Shirts Ever!

I originally was going to talk about really bad St.Patrick's Day Costumes but in my search I was alarmed at how many incredibly unfunny and rather terrible shirts I came across, and I thought it would just be wrong to not talk about them! It's one thing to wear something green and festive, but it's a whole other scenario when you become a dick in the process.To all the frat boys,sexually frustrated nerds, and 50 year old men still trying to stay relevant...this article is for you.

For the men

Only a hot guy could get away with wearing this shirt...
let's be honest ladies.

Oh his penis is his lucky charm! ha.....ha...ha......

Oh he reversed the letters since he's drunk! So....clever.....

Be gentle on him, he still lives in his mama's basement 
and plays d & d.

I have a feeling he reeks of ax body spray 
and is wearing a jesus is my homeboy trucker hat.

If this doesn't get you punched in the face
I don't know what will.

Purchased by 12 year old males or asian guys...
same thing really...

I predict dying alone in his future.

I am pretty sure the pussy will not be flying his way 
anytime soon.

I have a to do list for you: 
Drink, Pee, Shove this shirt up your fucking ass moron!

Worn by 50 year old perverts with roofie colada's.

For the ladies

Worn by Strippers and Cocktail waitress's everywhere.

boobs...again.. ha ha..thank god she's hot.....

CAUTION: Might Have Crabs!

Even wearing a joke t-shirt can't make women funny.

Have a shirt you want me to include? 
Send it to me and I'll include it on this list!
*More St.Patrick's Day ridiculousness coming soon*

Thursday, February 14, 2013

The 10 Best 80's Songs About Masturbation!

Happy Valentine's Day Bitches!!!! 

Today is all about love love love and all that bullshit but what I noticed is that it's the only holiday that blatantly singles out well...single people. Just because you are single doesn't mean you couldn't have a little self love fun and according to this list, sometimes self love is all one needs in this world! So light up those candles,turn on some slow jams and Enjoy The 10 Best 80's Songs About Masturbation!


Nerdychick :-)

10.Berlin "Sex (I'm a Man)"  (1983)

9.Billy Squire "The Stroke" (1980)

8.Billy Idol "Dancing With Myself" (1981)

7.The Vapors "Turning Japanese" (1980)

6.New Order "The Perfect Kiss" (1985) 

5. The Cure "Close to Me" (1985) 

4.Violent Femmes "Blister in the Sun" (1983) 

3.Oingo Boingo "Good For Your Soul" (1983)
I couldn't find a music video, so this live version from 1990 will do just fine.:-)

2.Madonna "Into the Groove"  (1985)

1.Cyndi Lauper "She Bop" (1983)

What do you think of my list? Agree or Disagree? 
What are your favorite 80's songs about self love? 
Sound off in the comments below! xoxoxoxox

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Katy Perry, Ke$ha and Lady Gaga:Ruining The Female Singer Songwriter.

The female songwriter has always had a rough time getting their voices heard in this industry, and while I feel these new pop stars have talent I wanted to talk about why they (and the industry) have ruined the music industry with sexist bullshit that the feminist movement fought so hard against.
It used to be about the music, but now it's about filling pocketbooks.Why did these ladies conform to the suits instead of change the world, and what does this mean for the younger generation of music lovers.

Katy Perry:

I remember when Katy Perry came out in 2008 with her breakout hit "I Kissed A Girl" I automatically wrote her off as just another cheesy pop tart who was looking to cash in on the sex sells route.So I was shocked to ind out my older sister actually liked her a lot and re-assured me that she can actually write good songs and that she is more then what her pop songs portray. So after years of going "yeah right, uh huh suuure." I was stunned to see a video on you tube of Katy Perry singing an acoustic version of what I guess was one of the first songs she ever wrote that went on to be used on her album One of the Boys:

Thinking Of You

For the first time I was blown away; by not only the beautiful lyrics but also her sincere honesty she had when she sang it.It got me thinking; was I wrong this whole time? 
Is there more to this Katy Perry chick? 
Is she a real singer songwriter underneath that whip cream bra? Actually....Yes but my bigger question to Miss Katy Perry would be this:
You have this gift of writing songs, you can sing, your beautiful, and you used to write christian music...why did you sell out? What happened? Did you sell out in order to get your voice heard by the industry so you could go on to write better more meaningful songs one day, or after five plus years of struggling you said "Fuck it" and just caved in to the bullshit world of pop music.I would love to know the real answer to this, since it just saddens me to know that the girl who can write songs like this:

Trust in Me (off her christian album titled Katy Hudson)

To writing bullshit like this:

California Gurls

What the fuck happened?


Ke$ha is another pop artist I would like to talk about and one who truly confuses the hell out of me.Is she a corporate hack or is she just a parodist in the sense that she is making fun of the ridiculousness of the industry and pop music in general and using that to cash in? 
I would like to believe the answer is the the last one and here's why; When I first heard the utter ridiculousness that is "Tik Tok" The first thought I had was "She has to be joking, Nobody could really be this fucked up!" and upon doing some research of her background here are some interesting facts:

1.Like Katy Perry she writes or co-writes all of her own songs and has actually written songs for other famous pop artists (like Katy Perry Has).
2.Ke$ha learned songwriting from her mother who was a successful country songwriter who wrote such hits as "Old Flames Can't Hold a Candle To You."
3.Dr. Luke (who went on to sign her) described her demo like this:"A gorgeously sung, self-penned country ballad" and the second "a gobsmackingly awful trip-hop track, when you're listening to 100 CDs, that kind of bravado and chutzpah stand out."

I know making it as a singer songwriter is hard in this industry, but how can someone who wrote this:


To write this cluster fuck:

We R Who We R

What the fuck happened?

Lady Gaga:

I probably don't need to go into detail about this last artist, but unless you live in a cave Lady Gaga is a pop singer who got her start performing in small club venues in new york as part of the defunct band "The Stefani Germonatta Band" aptly named after her real name Stefani. Now anybody who knows me knows that unlike the other two ladies above in this post, I personally cannot stand Lady Gaga and her shitty music. But before all the little monsters get their panties in a bunch let me explain
I like Stefani G's songs, the ones she wrote when she was still "struggling" 
but not the trite bullshit that she now sells as Lady Gaga.

I can deal with this:

 But not this shit:


What the fuck Happened?

My big point is this:

Obviously all these women are talented in their own right, so how come the industry have made them into these corporate idiot pop stars? 
And why does Katy Perry, Kesha and Lady Gaga let them get away with this?
More importantly: Why do WE as the consumer buy this bullshit? 
Why don't we expect more from the industry at this point, they have talented artists so why are they making them write trivial pop shit? 
Instead of shaking their titties why don't they wake the fuck up and realize from the success of Adele that normal people want normal deep music,I  know it's a shocker! 
The road was already paved by brilliant songwriters like Joni Mitchell,Carly Simon and Carole King, now why don't they pick up where these women left off? Pop music originally was supposed to be the pulse of what the common people were listening to that was popular. So technically, pop music could be about anything, It didn't have to be stupid dance club tracks, it could be about love, redemption, war and sadness, which are all common experiences in the human collective. 

Carole King's 1971 album Tapestry is considered one of the most successful pop albums by a female artist with over 25 million sold worldwide, 4 Grammy's (including album of the year.) and is ranked #36 on Rolling Stone's list of the 500 greatest albums of all time. She is also inducted into the rock and roll hall of fame for songwriting with credits spanning back to the 1960's. 
This is what pop songs can be without having to conform to industry standards:

I feel the earth move

It's too late

Joni Mitchell is another wonderful songwriter who not only has written many hits for other people but has written some of the most iconic songs or herself as well, with her album Blue being considered one of the most prolific albums ever. 

Big Yellow Taxi has been covered by many different artists, but I think it keeps a fine balance of fun but with a message. Even if it is not your cup of tea, you can't deny that she is talking about real issues like the environment (1st song) and love (2nd song) are issues that still resonate to this day:

Big Yellow Taxi

Both sides now

Katy,Kesha, and Gaga:
 There is no reason why you can't write good music that means something without having to sell your souls and without having to lose your identities.It is our mission as women to tell the sexist industry that we don't have to flash our tits to get noticed, we are all valid and deserve a real voice, we deserve more then double meanings and getting drunk, we are powerful,smart,funny,deep individuals who need to strive for more then just the next dubstep nightmare of a song. I don't want my daughter growing up thinking that boys,shopping,sex, drugs and drinking till they puke are the only things that matter in this world.
Popular music doesn't have to be shallow and repetitive, it can be deep and thought provoking as well, real music doesn't have guidelines, it can be whatever we want it to be.
And for me, I deserve something better, society deserves better and our future generations deserve better.
I cannot wait for the day you ladies stop with the bullshit songs and write an album that actually means something and changes the world  for the better instead of make it worse.

Until then, I'll be listening to Joni, Carole and Carly.